The Daily Mastermind
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Episode 998 · Jul 23, 2024

How to Reshape Your Identity and Build Real Confidence

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George Wright III opens this episode of The Daily Mastermind with a bold claim: your identity is not just a philosophical concept. It directly determines your confidence, your experience, and, most importantly, your results. In Part 1 of a two-part series, George draws on insights from neuroscientist Dr. Caroline Leaf and her book *Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess* to lay out how identity works, why most people get it wrong, and what you can do to start building an identity that actually serves you.

Before diving in, George shares the daily quote from Marissa Peer:

Criticism withers people, praise builds them up.

That single line is worth sitting with. How you speak to others, and how you allow others to speak to you, shapes the identities around you every day.

The Formula Behind Your Identity

Dr. Leaf offers a framework that George finds deeply resonant: identity equals how you think, feel, and choose. Every thought you entertain, every emotion you process, every decision you make is feeding or eroding your sense of self.

Dr. Leaf puts the urgency of managing your mind in stark perspective:

We can go three weeks without food, three days without water, three minutes without oxygen, but we can't even go three seconds without thinking.

Your mind never stops. That means your identity is being formed or deformed constantly, whether you are paying attention to it or not.

Why Seeking Outside Approval Undermines Your Identity

Many entrepreneurs and high achievers grow up in environments where recognition and praise come from pleasing others. You learn early that approval feels good, so you keep chasing it. Over time, that chase becomes your identity, and it creates habits like perfectionism: where nothing you do is ever good enough because you are always measuring yourself against what others think.

When your identity is built on external validation, such as social media likes, follower counts, or how others see you, you hand the steering wheel of your life to forces you cannot control. The world will constantly try to define who you are based on how you look, how you act, and how many people are validating you. That is a losing game.

What a Strong Internal Identity Looks Like

The most mentally resilient people George knows do not need outside validation to feel confident. Their identity comes from within. That internal anchor allows them to navigate the inevitable ups and downs of life without being destabilized by them.

This is not about eliminating hard times. George is clear on that point: doing the work to manage your mind and strengthen your identity will never remove the challenges. The goal is to move through them faster and with more ease, rather than getting stuck.

Confidence, at its root, is not something someone else gives you. It grows from a strong, independent sense of who you are.

The Role of Self-Regulation in Shaping Your Mind

There is an important distinction between your brain and your mind. Your mind sets the patterns and habits that run in your brain. Through a process called self-regulation, you can take deliberate control of those patterns rather than letting your environment do it for you.

Dr. Leaf recommends regular identity checks: pausing to examine whether your sense of self is being driven mostly from the outside or from within. If you find that your mood, confidence, and sense of worth are rising and falling based on what others say or do, that is a signal to recalibrate.

George ties this directly to the concept of unique talents he and business partner Robert Stuburg discuss regularly. Your talents are uniquely yours. Your identity is uniquely yours. No algorithm or social feed can define that for you.

How Identity Affects Jealousy and Envy

Jealousy and envy are emotions most people struggle with, especially in a world saturated with social media. George points out that both come from a place of scarcity: you do not feel confident enough in your own path to be genuinely happy for someone else's success.

When you strengthen your identity, you create more internal space. You can celebrate others without feeling threatened. You can catch negative emotions, modify your response, and recover faster.

As Dr. Leaf defines it:

Your identity is the unique way that we think, we feel, and we choose to create a unique life experience.

That filter determines everything: how you interpret what happens to you, how you respond, and what results you create.

Action Steps

  • Take regular breaks from technology and social media to reconnect with your sense of self, away from outside influence.
  • Do an identity check: ask yourself whether your confidence and mood are driven primarily from within or from external validation.
  • Notice perfectionism when it shows up; it is often a sign that your identity is tied to pleasing others rather than honoring your own values.
  • Practice being genuinely happy for other people's success as a way to build your own internal confidence and abundance mindset.
  • Tune in to Part 2 of this series, where George covers how to identify an identity crisis, run a formal identity check, and apply Dr. Leaf's five steps to cleaning up your mental mess.

Identity is not fixed. You can examine it, reshape it, and build one that works for you rather than against you. It is never too late to start living the life you were meant to live.

READ THE FULL TRANSCRIPT

Welcome back to The Daily Mastermind. My name is George Wright III with your daily dose of inspiration, motivation, and education. Today on the podcast, we're going to talk about identity. Your identity is going to determine your confidence. It's going to determine your experience and level of fulfillment in this life, but it's most importantly, it's going to determine your results. So I want to share with you a ton of information I've learned from some amazing mentors today. And I'm gonna do it today and tomorrow in a two-part series. So I'm really looking forward to be able to cover these topics with you. But before we do, the Daily Mastermind quote of the day is by Marissa Peer. Marissa Peer says, criticism withers people, praise builds them up. Criticism withers people and praise builds them up. That's obviously some amazing advice that I think we could all do a better job with in our life to praise people and show your gratitude for people that are in your life. Now, I've been studying a lot about identity over the years, and I talk about it often, but I came across an amazing author and a book that I've been studying lately that basically shares thoughts on all kinds of ways that you can reprogram and, you know, basically manage your mind. And the author is Dr. Caroline Leaf, and she wrote the book, Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess. Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess. Now, Caroline Leaf, she's a neuroscientist who's passionate to help people to see the power of the mind, to change the brain. Obviously, your mind and brain are different, right? And her goal is to help people to control chaotic thinking, find mental peace, and obviously who couldn't use a little extra mental peace, right? She starts her book out, and I want to cover some real specifics here today, but she says something that really caught my attention. She says, we can go three weeks without food, three days without water, three minutes without oxygen, but we can't even go three seconds without thinking. That is so true. And you know I've said it before, you're not your mind and you're not your brain and you're not your thoughts, right? So what do we need to do to regulate and train and understand and continually grow our knowledge on managing our mind? How do we impact it? How do we make a difference? How do we make a change? You know, what you experience in your mind also translates to your physical body and brain and dealing with toxic thoughts, patterns, and other, you know, you know, failures in life can all be attributed to the mind and more importantly, to your identity So I want to talk to you today about that one topic that Dr Caroline Leaf talks about in her book And we going to go through that today and we going to go through that tomorrow So this idea of your self is so, so important. So let me just jump right into it. And if you get a chance, take some notes. If not, I'll try to put this stuff in the show notes as well. But your identity is going to shape how you filter and you see things. It's really, truly going to create the results in your life. And there's a simple formula and it's very similar to ones that we've shared before about how you create results in your life. But the formula is that you think, feel, and choose. The way you think, feel, and choose will make up your identity. So your identity is going to be equal to how you think, feel, and choose in this life. So many of us, especially entrepreneurs, we grow up in an environment where we try to prove ourselves and that's what shapes our identity. I give you an example of that. You might have grown up, you know, building up this constant need for approval because you want to please the people in your life, your parents, the people around you. And this happens because they give us recognition and they give us praise and they give us attention. And so you continue to seek that approval. Well, the problem is that you don't form an identity when your identity is created, you know, a strong identity, I guess you don't form an identity that's going to be good for you moving forward when your identity is created by seeking this stuff outside yourself, you know, seeking things that don't come from within. You know, you create bad habits. You know, what you really do is you create this habit, stuff like perfectionism. You know, perfectionism is that idea that you're always seeking to please other people and it's never good enough. And you can see why our identity can get developed and shaped throughout our life through the connection that we have with other people. This connection that we have with other people, whether it's seeking approval or whether it's following, you know, social media, your identity is constantly being shaped. And for entrepreneurs and individuals seeking to create their best life, it directly affects your confidence. Because your confidence comes from developing an identity. If you're developing your confidence, You need to develop an identity that's independent of other people and things that are outside yourself. You know, what I found when I'm the most confident, I'm not relying on other people to be able to build up my confidence. I'm not saying that doesn't help you, but the strongest, mentally strongest people that I know with confidence are ones that don't need the outside validation. They already have an internal identity, a sense of identity. And this is why Dr Leaf recommends doing periodic identity checks You know check to see whether or not you are being influenced mostly from outside or in Your identity is doing an identity check will help you to understand if that the case Because look, what you have to understand, and I've said it many, many times and you hear it a lot, but I want you to really internalize this. Your identity is unique and it's a special for you. It's just, it's, it's, you are unique in this world and only you have your identity. And this ties very closely to the unique talent that my business partner, Robert Stuburg, and I talk about all the time. Your unique talents are unique to you. Your identity is unique to you. The problem we have is that technology and everything else in this world that we're around right now is constantly trying to define your identity for you. It's constantly trying to create this identity for you. For example, how do you look? How do you act? How do you dress? Are you getting enough likes? Are you getting enough follows? Are you getting enough people coming and validating you? The world is constantly trying to identify and create that identity for you. And you can't do that. You have to create a solid identity independent from everything around you so that you can use that to manage the ups and downs of life. And this is why we're talking about this topic, practicing, learning, studying, the brain, the mind, neuroscience. This is all ways that you can strengthen your identity and through a process called self-regulation. There's a distinct difference between your brain and your mind, but your mind is going to help you to set those patterns and those habits that you have inside your brain. Now, this is something that's important to remember. Even though you do this work, and I want you to listen to me here, even though you do the work to manage your mind and your thoughts and your identity, it's never going to eliminate the ups and downs that you're going to have in life. The goal is not to eliminate those. The goal is to help you manage them. It's to help you get through them quicker and with more ease, right? And not the struggle. Because look, without it, the technology that you're around, the world that you're around, it's going to control your mind and your brain and your habits and your identity. And it's going to be much, much more difficult for you. So what I'm recommending to you in this whole topic of identity is take some time away from technology and environmental influences and everything everybody wants. Do that on an ongoing basis because taking some time out is the only way to truly create an independent, confident source of identity. Because when you strengthen your identity, your confidence is going to go up and it's going to help you to navigate these ups and downs in the world For example jealousy envy Jealousy and envy are things that most people struggle with especially if you on social media and whatnot because you may or may not truly want the success for others because you feel, and jealousy and envy come from a place of scarcity. You don't have enough confidence in yourself to feel like there's enough for everyone. You don't have, you know, you're critical of yourself. So it's hard for you to be happy for other people. So this jealousy and envy are emotions that are very difficult for you to navigate when it comes to a world of success. And when you strengthen your identity, it allows you to have more space to be able to be happy for other people, to be less jealous, to be less envious, to be less bitter. Awareness and developing that strong identity, it's going to help you to recognize the negative emotions and react more positively to them, you know, and deal with them quicker, right? You're going to be able to catch them, modify them, and do a little bit better with navigating these ups and downs. So let's really clearly define what your identity is. And I like to go back to Dr. Caroline Leaf. What she says is she says, your identity is the unique way that we think, we feel, and we choose to create a unique life experience. Your identity is that filter. It's going to be the way you think, feel, and choose. It's very much like the thoughts, feelings, actions we talk about with creating results in your life, but it's also what you're going to use to create your life experience. So this is the topic of identity and we're short on time today, so I want to finish this up tomorrow. And tomorrow, what I want to do is I want to talk to you about a couple of things. how to identify if you're having an identity crisis, how to identify and make time for an identity check. And then I want to give you the five simple steps to get a handle and manage your mind better that Dr. Leaf gives in her book, which is cleaning up your mental mess. I love that title, cleaning up your mental mess, five simple proven steps to reduce anxiety, stress, and toxic thinking. So that's my topic for today. Identity is so important. We're going to talk tomorrow about how you can identify when you're struggling with that and what you can do to make a change in your life. My name is George Wright III. This has been The Daily Mastermind. I want you to do me a favor. Refer this episode to people that you know may be struggling and let me know what you're doing and let me know what you're struggling with. I'd love to be able to help you and I want to give you a lot of feedback to be able to use in your life. So join me tomorrow for part two. Look forward to talking to you then. Have an amazing day. Transcription by CastingWords