George Wright III: [00:00:05] All right, welcome back to The Daily Mastermind. George Wright [00:00:10] III with your daily dose of inspiration, motivation, and education. I wanna talk to you [00:00:15] today and share a, a clip from a recent interview that I did, and this clip that I wanna share with you [00:00:20] is an interview I did with Mark Silverman. But I'm gonna ask you a question, and I want you to really think about [00:00:25] this.
When was the last time you snapped at someone, like in a meeting or that you were [00:00:30] working with or that you were having trouble with? You know, what was really going on with you [00:00:35] during that day? What was it that was really bothering you? What made you snap? And, and so [00:00:40] here, here's the idea I wanna set you up for.
Leaders, in my opinion, who blow up usually [00:00:45] aren't the ones that aren't capable or the, that are, they're weak emotionally. They're [00:00:50] usually the most capable people in the room, but it's the load that they're carrying. It's the [00:00:55] things that you are loaded up with that are causing you to lose capacity. [00:01:00] See, most of us treat leadership as a skill problem.
When we're trying to do [00:01:05] a better job leading a team, we, we go get another book, we, we learn another framework, we're trying to get more [00:01:10] skills developed. But you already know what it is you need to do. [00:01:15] Sometimes you just don't have the room left to do it. I want you to think about that. It's not the things [00:01:20] that you need to learn how to do, it's that you don't have room left to do it.
Because the bottom line is we all [00:01:25] know the basics. To order, in order to increase your capacity, you've gotta sleep well, you've gotta eat well, you've [00:01:30] gotta recover and take downtime, because knowledge isn't the real issue [00:01:35] that you're dealing with. When you're having trouble and you're feeling overwhelmed, it's not the [00:01:40] knowledge or your ability to do more, it's your capacity problem.
It's doing [00:01:45] it that is the problem. When-- And when you say things like, "I'll get to the gym next week," or, "I'll take time [00:01:50] off next week," these are all things that, um, they're hurting your capacity. [00:01:55] They're hurting your ability to do more, and so your capacity is running [00:02:00] out So for example, when I know that I'm getting busier and busier and I [00:02:05] don't make it to the gym, or I have to sleep in a little bit more or some of these things, [00:02:10] what's happening is it's not just freeing up more of my time, it's actually causing [00:02:15] me to have more stress.
It's causing me to have less capacity to do what I'm gonna do. So you've [00:02:20] got to find ways to truly work on, you know, [00:02:25] identifying how to increase your capacity. So Mark Silverman, who's an executive coach, has had 20 years of [00:02:30] leadership and executive coaching. He works with founders and executives on resilience and how to [00:02:35] build capacity under pressure.
He's the author of "The Rising Leader Handbook," and he's the host of "The [00:02:40] Rising Leader" podcast, and he's gonna talk-- when-- if you listen real carefully, he talks about how he [00:02:45] believes most leadership problems are really just capacity problems. And when the stress that you're [00:02:50] carrying is maxed out, your old patterns, uh, you know, including childhood ones, by the way, they [00:02:55] start to take over, and those patterns come back.
You'll, you'll be able to relate to that. He's gonna talk [00:03:00] about why brilliant executives, you know, are, are losing it in meetings, why, why [00:03:05] they, they, you know, they-- we don't react to our boss, but to our actual own [00:03:10] problems and cycles and challenges, and even how to handle CEOs who hap- you know, happen to be [00:03:15] snapping at people.
And so think of this. I want you to just think of this when you're listening to this [00:03:20] clip. Think of the person who triggers you the most and, and listen with them in mind. I think you're [00:03:25] gonna learn some things. You're gonna get some strategies and tactics that can help you, and I hope this is a, an [00:03:30] episode that you'll really gain some knowledge for.
So do me a favor, share the show, and we'll get right into [00:03:35] it
Mark J Silverman: let's just say you're talking to your significant other, your wi- your wife or, or your [00:03:40] kids or something like that.
Um, generally, if they come to you with a question or they... or something's [00:03:45] happening, you know how to handle it. Uh, and if you don't know how to handle it, you can work through it and figure it out. You can [00:03:50] have a tough conversation with your wife. Um, now let's say you're super [00:03:55] tired, uh, you're super overwhelmed.
You've just read an article about how your [00:04:00] business is about to, you know, yo- your, your business sector is about to go into the toilet, right? And your [00:04:05] allostatic load starts to go up. You're scrolling Twitter, and all of a sudden you, you know, you're, you're pretty clear [00:04:10] on who you're supposed to hate and all this stuff, and your, your, this, your allostatic load, which is that load [00:04:15] that, that amount of stress that's in your body at any given time.
So, [00:04:20] so, you know, it, when you're, when you're kinda in a great place and you're on vacation and everything's [00:04:25] working, your allostatic load is low. But most of us are walking around with that allostatic load up [00:04:30] to our necks so that we don't have a lot of capacity or room to give people [00:04:35] mulligans. So that same conversation that if you were in a great space with low allostatic load, [00:04:40] you would be able to handle it or work through it if it was tough.
Now you don't have any room for [00:04:45] that. Now, we go into the corporate co- corporate world. Nine times out of [00:04:50] 10, my clients are s- 10 times smarter than me. Uh, they're, they [00:04:55] know what they're doing. They make hundreds of millions of dollar decisions, uh, every [00:05:00] single day. Uh, but they call me when they lose their shit.
They go, "Mark, I was in a [00:05:05] meeting and, and the CEO questioned me, and I lost it, and I fumbled it, [00:05:10] and I didn't know, you know, but I knew the information. I don't understand why that happened." And then we [00:05:15] have to go back and go, "What, what was going on with you at that moment?" [00:05:20] So the first thing we have to-- the first layer is a Reader's Digest version of [00:05:25] how to handle yourself.
Like, you, you... When I say this, everybody's gonna go, "Duh. Why am I listening to this [00:05:30] podcast?" But how's your food? Are you eating healthy food? Have you [00:05:35] gotten a good night's sleep? Have you spent time with your family? Have you had downtime? Have you [00:05:40] had playtime? Right? Ha- uh, do you have some kind of contemplation program or spiritual, [00:05:45] spiritual endeavor that helps you get a bigger perspective, right?
That's, that-- Now [00:05:50] everybody knows that's important. You know, everybody could write that down on a meme on their [00:05:55] Instagram today. How many of us practice that? Those are the facts-
George Wright III: Well, not only that, and it's, it's [00:06:00] important because I wanna make sure people listening to this are hearing that, because we all know how to lose weight, how to get [00:06:05] more energy, how to do these things, but we don't do it.
So the awareness is the thing I really wanna double down on. What you're [00:06:10] saying is how many actually even think about it or analyze it, or are aware of it, [00:06:15] right?
Mark J Silverman: Right. And I'll worry about it next week. Next week I'll get to the gym. Next year when it [00:06:20] slows down, this'll happen. And w- and we just push it, and we push it, and we push it, and n- You know, I c- I [00:06:25] call myself the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know, I, I... Most of, most of my clients are somewhere in their 30s and [00:06:30] 40s, some in their 50s. I'm 64 years old. I'm like, "If I'm in better shape than you, [00:06:35] there is a problem here," right? Because, again, I'm the Ghost of Christmas Future. I've [00:06:40] seen too many heart attacks. I've seen the strokes. I've seen these things happen.
I've [00:06:45] seen marriages fall apart. So we do the jacks or better piece. But then that's not gonna [00:06:50] do it. So you, so now you're going to work, and you're rested, and you're in a good place, but you're [00:06:55] still gonna have the, you know, like... So the Rising Leader Handbook is, is, [00:07:00] is separated into four main focuses: leading up, being a trusted advisor; [00:07:05] leading across, leading on a team of other leaders; then leading your [00:07:10] team; then leading yourself.
What, what happens with when you [00:07:15] have a boss, and we all know this, uh, uh, is w- is we're not, [00:07:20] we don't deal with our boss We deal with our childhood that's laid over [00:07:25] who we make our boss to be. I hate to say it, it sounds icky, but [00:07:30] I haven't met a person yet who doesn't overlay their childhood over every single relationship.[00:07:35]
Now you go into the leadership team. You're on a team with other balls to the walls [00:07:40] talented people. Some of them are political, some of them are underhanded, some of them are awesome. Uh, all of [00:07:45] them have agendas, all of them have needs, all of them ha- need resources, and you're, you're, you're co- [00:07:50] co- you're, you know, you're in cooperation for moving the organization forward, but you're in [00:07:55] competition for, you know, for position, all kinds of stuff.
How do you navigate that? [00:08:00] Now all of a sudden you're in junior high school. Right. I don't know f- about you, but I don't know anybody, any 12 to [00:08:05] 14-year-old who has handled life well.
George Wright III: No. Yeah,
Mark J Silverman: exactly. And that's, that, and that's why people say, you know, "What is [00:08:10] with the leadership? We're all adults here. Why are we acting like we're in junior high school?"
It's because of all these [00:08:15] triggers and all these things that we lay over every single [00:08:20] relationship. So when I'm working with a client and they come back to me, and I tell them all, all, all my clients get, [00:08:25] uh, unlimited access to me. They can call me any time of the day or night 'cause I have really good [00:08:30] boundaries, and, uh, none of them, none of them abuse it.
I can't get them to abuse it. But the best coaching is, "I was [00:08:35] just in a meeting, I just, uh, had a fight with so-and-so over s- over this. I [00:08:40] don't understand why that happened." And then we can unpack it and slowly figure out, [00:08:45] what did you make that mean? They said this. What did you make that mean? What happened in your [00:08:50] body?
And we start to, we start to unwind that, and we st- Yeah ... So the, so, so now [00:08:55] leading your team, uh, is also the same thing. Now we do leading, leading you. Uh, and the, and [00:09:00] leading you is last in the book on purpose because we wanna go through how you act [00:09:05] in the world with all these people, people in authority, people on the side of you, people who work for you.
How do you act [00:09:10] there? Now we start mapping out who you are, what your triggers are, [00:09:15] what your values are, where your blind spots are. Uh, and once you become a student of [00:09:20] who you are and how you operate in the world, now you can start taking some of those overlays [00:09:25] off. You're never ever gonna take off all the overlays.
George Wright III: Yeah.
Mark J Silverman: But you start taking off the, the massive [00:09:30] ones, the one, the, you know, the, the, the one that, that you walk around with all the time, that people don't [00:09:35] respect me.
George Wright III: Yeah.
Mark J Silverman: So the second someone says something that doesn't respect you, you're on it. You're, you're, [00:09:40] you're so on it, right? So you start taking these big ones, and you start not taking the bait, right?
You [00:09:45] start seeing yourself go for it and then asking a question instead of reacting. [00:09:50] Uh, and one of, one of my favorite, uh, uh, exercises to do [00:09:55] is when, when someone has a rageaholic CEO, uh, [00:10:00] which I don't know if you've ever met one of those, but you know, CEOs are most of the time, they're under pretty [00:10:05] big pressure.
Right. Uh, so th- you know, they'll bark orders, they'll, they'll say things, [00:10:10] uh, uh, uh, de- definitely, especially, you know, with a, with a driver personality type, without [00:10:15] any of the sugarcoating. And any, any person on the team can take it any different way. [00:10:20] Uh, m- for me, for my clients, uh, their job [00:10:25] is to watch, do, uh, to ask questions, to figure out what's really behind [00:10:30] the question or the, or the, or the snapping of the, of the CEO, and watch their shoulders [00:10:35] relax.
If you can unearth what's really going on, so [00:10:40] when the CEO or anybody snaps, is it could be they don't have information, and they're [00:10:45] panicking. It could be they feel out of control, right? It could... Any, any number of things, [00:10:50] and when you figure that out and you're able to give it to them, all of a sudden you're the trusted advisor,
[00:10:55] [00:11:00] [00:11:05] [00:11:10]
