De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less

De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less

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Welcome back to The Daily Mastermind. George Wright III here with your daily dose of inspiration, motivation, and education. Today, we have a special treat. I’m excited to continue our Prosperity Report interview series with an amazing individual. Let me give you a quick introduction to our guest.

Doug Noll’s story is extraordinary. Born partially deaf, nearly blind, and crippled, he overcame those challenges to graduate from Dartmouth College and pursue a 22-year career as a lawyer. He likes to say he’s a "lawyer turned peacemaker." Doug has transitioned from practicing law to groundbreaking work in de-escalation and conflict resolution, impacting thousands of lives.

Doug is a mediator, trainer, coach, and bestselling author of four books. His work has earned numerous accolades, including Lawyer of the Year. Today, we’ll discuss peace, conflict, and the power of emotional intelligence. Doug Noll, welcome to the show. How are you doing today?

I’m doing great, George. Thanks for having me on the show.

I’ve been learning more about your journey, and I have to say, transitioning from lawyer to peacemaker is quite the pivot. Let’s dive into your backstory. What inspired you to make that shift?

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Doug's Journey from Lawyer to Peacemaker

It didn’t happen overnight, that’s for sure. I attended Dartmouth College, majored in English literature, and eventually went to law school. After working for an appellate judge for a year, I joined a private practice in central California in 1978. My first jury trial was two months later, and my second was a seven-month securities fraud case worth $36 million in federal court. That’s how my career started.

For 22 years, I was deeply entrenched in trial law. But in my 30s, I took up martial arts, eventually earning a second-degree black belt. When I turned 40, my teacher told me to study Tai Chi. That’s where things began to change.

Tai Chi teaches two paradoxes: The softer you are, the stronger you are and the more vulnerable you are, the more powerful you are.

That’s profound. Those principles can apply to life and business, too.

At first, I didn’t get it. As a trial lawyer, I saw litigation as war. But as I practiced Tai Chi, it started to seep into my soul. One day in court, while cross-examining a witness, I thought, What am I doing here? That moment changed everything.

After that trial, I went on a whitewater rafting trip in Idaho. For 10 days, I reflected on my career and realized I had truly served only about five people in over 20 years. That was unacceptable to me. When I returned, I heard a radio announcement for a master’s degree in peacemaking and conflict studies at Fresno Pacific University. It felt like fate.

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Pursuing a New Path in Peacemaking

I enrolled in the program while still working full-time as a trial lawyer and teaching law part-time. My law partners didn’t support my decision—they saw me as one of the firm’s top earners—but I knew I had to follow this path. In 2000, I gave them a week’s notice, walked away from a $10 million partnership, and started my practice as a mediator, arbitrator, and peacemaker. Best decision I ever made.

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Understanding Emotional Intelligence

One of the phrases you use that caught my attention is “listening others into existence.” You also emphasize listening to emotions, not words. Can you explain the difference between emotional intelligence and emotional competency, and how they tie into this concept?

Emotional intelligence is a test that measures three skills: emotional self-awareness, emotional self-regulation, and cognitive and affective empathy. However, emotional intelligence itself isn’t something you can learn—it’s an assessment. What you can develop are the skills it measures.

That’s a huge myth you just busted. I always thought emotional intelligence was something you could learn.

No, but by learning and practicing skills like emotional self-awareness and empathy, you can improve your emotional intelligence score. One powerful tool for this is called affect labeling, which I’ve refined over years of practice.

Affect labeling is the practice of naming someone’s emotions. Neuroscience shows that when you reflect someone’s emotions back to them, it calms their brain in about 90 seconds. The emotional centers of their brain deactivate while the prefrontal cortex takes over, helping them regain control.

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Practical Application of Affect Labeling

Can you give an example of affect labeling in action?

Let’s say you’re furious. I might say, “George, you’re really angry and frustrated. You feel disrespected and unappreciated. You’re anxious, worried, and even hopeless.” As I name these emotions, your brain begins to calm down. It works universally—across cultures, languages, and situations.

How does this apply to leadership?

Great leaders create emotional safety. Google’s research shows that top-performing teams thrive because of psychological safety. When people feel safe, they’re more creative, collaborative, and productive. As a leader, if you focus on emotions—recognizing and validating them—you’ll build loyalty, trust, and connection.

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Final Thoughts and Resources

Doug, this has been an eye-opening conversation. For our listeners who want to learn more, where can they find you?

I’m easy to reach at dougnoll.com. I have over 250 blogs, and my book De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less is available on Amazon in multiple languages. Feel free to email me directly or connect with me on LinkedIn. My mission is to teach as many people as possible these transformative skills.

Thank you, Doug. This has been a true masterclass in emotional intelligence, leadership, and creating fulfillment through service.

To our listeners, remember: “It’s never too late to start living the life you’re meant to live.” Take the first step today. My name is George Wright III, and this has been The Daily Mastermind. Share this episode, and we’ll talk again soon.